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I’m Single And Okay With It

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“Full disclosure: I have a girlfriend.” A friend texted me yesterday minutes before we were to grab a drink. I laughed to myself thinking this must have been slightly eating at him. Conversing with me regularly, not lying, but omitting the whole truth. We had fleeting moments of dating at times when my heart wasn’t whole, but in the recent months we were just friends.

And last night that’s what I needed, a friend, neutral ground to be with someone who knows me. I was coming off a couple days in the countryside with a man with potential, but after real chats with intention and dimension I knew we would never be more than friends. And it saddened me, but more so I just couldn’t wait to drop him off.

It’s funny how the heart knows, holding its contents tight, waiting for the one worth opening for. I wanted it to be real, but I could not for the life of me get my body to feel, anything. So I texted my “friend” I wanted comfort; connection with someone I know would just be there for me. A man I knew who would answer and listen.

I wondered if he thought I was texting him for a rekindling, knowing I have a tendency to keep my intentions cryptic. (What do you mean you can’t read my mind) I loved his straight forwardness and the fact he respects his girlfriend enough to tell me about her. I said “that’s fine” and finished with “actually that’s awesome, when and who and she’s a lucky girl”

We need more truth tellers, more men who are clear with their intentions in and out of relationships. I’m strive to fuck my morse code because vulnerability isn’t always comfortable (ironic I know), but I need a man with presented clear intentions and that requires me to do the same. I think when you meet someone who is your forever person you just know. I haven’t felt in the know for a long while.

And although that lack of knowledge scares me at times, I have a feeling its just part of the process. I don’t care to know anymore. I let my heart take the lead long ago And my mind eventually comes in tow I don’t believe we choose to love whom we do, but fate in the ultimate gate to courtship.

So for now I trust, it’s a must, a non negotiable when it comes to you and me. 

(Published on August 24, 2017 on Thought Catalog)

Let's Fight the Good Fight Together

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It is our social responsibility to stay conscious.

I hate the news, I think it leaves a horrible imprint on a sensitive soul. Yet, everyday I make a point to take in the turmoil we call our morning news. It’s my daily dose of venom to keep me up to date with the poison that is slowly killing our morale.

Why? For a long time I disconnected, shunned the media to protect myself from the harsh reality. I’m sensitive AF, when I read about people being shot, the target of the week, that person is my brother, my sister, my mother, my cousin, my family. I feel it all; I feel hard. But you know what sucks more than feeling shitty while you drink your coffee?

Feeling scared every.moment.of.every.day. because you were born black in America. I have no idea how that feels and I never will. Perhaps other prejudice I will experience, but in this era I will never know what it’s like to be an African American in America. It’s sad to think that 70 years after the civil rights movement we are still battling for equality.

Strong men and women put their blood, sweat and tears into fighting for the right to feel safe in their own streets and that is not yet a reality. Because of the color of their skin, how do we stand for this, it’s embarrassing. We have a President openly displaying hate and people actually condone that behavior. Are you fucking forealz?

It’s 2017 and if you think being anything but OPEN to new ideas, people, innovations, colors, orientations is ok, YOU are living under a polar ice cap. But I guess we’ll have to wait for those to melt until you start to see the truth cause I bet you think global warming doesn’t exist. But when you see the light (cause the sun is only getting hotter) it will be too late and I don’t want to wait that long. I’m impatient; I’m talking to you, Don. The time is now for a revolution; we must create it. We must engage in conversation. Step outside your fucking comfort zone.

Connect. Question. Converse. Dig. Read. Keep reading and wonder, ponder; how can we as individuals or a small collective of like-minded people make a difference? The answers will surface and when they do I hope a fire is LIT AF in your body. I hope you care enough to pass the torch, whether it’s a shift in perspective or truly listening to someone who needs to be heard.

Let’s band together, let’s connect. Let’s instill more human connection into our everyday interactions. Maybe if we all felt a little more understood we could release the anger, hate, and hopelessness before we turn to rash actions.

Maybe if we felt heard, we could talk it out and express our confusion before innocent people are hurt. Violence is an act of miscommunication of the self. It’s an inappropriate way to express how one feels about a situation. It’s an action of hopelessness and desperation, but fuck does it have an impact. Violence has an impact that carries so much baggage, literally and figuratively. It perpetuates drama and fires people up. Let’s find another way to get fired up. You can’t control others, but you can control your actions. Let’s have a conscious fight, a fair fight, let’s come in peace.

You want to be a badass, create an impact that vibrates love. Violence is low, it’s a dead energy that stirs hate. Let’s stir love and vibrate higher. Be friendly, be open, talk to people and truly listen. Smile, say hi, talk to your Uber driver; set positive examples for humanity. The good fight starts with you.

(Published March 10, 2017 by Thought Catalog)