Perfectly Unplanned

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It doesn't make me sad to think about you anymore

I find myself cracking a smile these days 

It took me so long to realize that we would never be

It's a blessing to sit in that place

If I had moved on I wouldn't have felt the pain

And I grew so much in that pain

That hurt was a seed that blossomed into something so beautiful 

It tore me open 

Reawakened outlets of expression 

That I hid for so long

You begin to stop caring you're alone for so long

No one to judge any of your actions but yourself

There is no reporting, no contorting my image for anyone 

It's sad how a relationship can filter your quirks 

If you aren't yourself 100% in a relationship you are doomed to

Crack 

But how was I to be myself in union when I had never practiced being anyone but a facade

"I don't hold you to this certain standard so why do you hold me to one?"

As the last word rolled off your tongue I knew it was over

If you didn't hold me to a higher plane, what the fuck were we doing.

Maybe you wanted me to stay small so you could stay trivial 

I asked a lot of you because I saw so much good in you 

But you took me for granted and that ate at me

I became vacant to my true being 

A Chameleon of whomever surrounded me

Morphing my axiom attempting to keep you happy 

But thank you for that

Thank you for leaving 

I would have never done it

Without that July night I don't want to know where I'd be 

Stagnant, stuck, still giving so many fucks

About my image, my job, my 5 year fucking plan

It was a break up with you and my former complacency 

Ha, who needs that when there is happiness to be had 

Happiness beyond a starter home & pod children.

There is uninhibited laughter to be conjured

Ugly cries to be had 

And a life to be lived without someone worrying about what others think of them 

Designer pups are in my future but there is no need to rush the rest of our lives

I no longer subscribe to a reward system that fuels a facade but not a true feeling

Why must I succumb to a timeline of coming of age.

I better hurry up. Why? To die sooner? 

No thanks. I'll keep this soul fresh. 

What if I never have a plan?

What if the plan is no plan?

No one grew being comfortable.

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