It doesn't make me sad to think about you anymore
I find myself cracking a smile these days
It took me so long to realize that we would never be
It's a blessing to sit in that place
If I had moved on I wouldn't have felt the pain
And I grew so much in that pain
That hurt was a seed that blossomed into something so beautiful
It tore me open
Reawakened outlets of expression
That I hid for so long
You begin to stop caring you're alone for so long
No one to judge any of your actions but yourself
There is no reporting, no contorting my image for anyone
It's sad how a relationship can filter your quirks
If you aren't yourself 100% in a relationship you are doomed to
But how was I to be myself in union when I had never practiced being anyone but a facade
"I don't hold you to this certain standard so why do you hold me to one?"
As the last word rolled off your tongue I knew it was over
If you didn't hold me to a higher plane, what the fuck were we doing.
Maybe you wanted me to stay small so you could stay trivial
I asked a lot of you because I saw so much good in you
But you took me for granted and that ate at me
I became vacant to my true being
A Chameleon of whomever surrounded me
Morphing my axiom attempting to keep you happy
But thank you for that
Thank you for leaving
I would have never done it
Without that July night I don't want to know where I'd be
Stagnant, stuck, still giving so many fucks
About my image, my job, my 5 year fucking plan
It was a break up with you and my former complacency
Ha, who needs that when there is happiness to be had
Happiness beyond a starter home & pod children.
There is uninhibited laughter to be conjured
Ugly cries to be had
And a life to be lived without someone worrying about what others think of them
Designer pups are in my future but there is no need to rush the rest of our lives
I no longer subscribe to a reward system that fuels a facade but not a true feeling
Why must I succumb to a timeline of coming of age.
I better hurry up. Why? To die sooner?
No thanks. I'll keep this soul fresh.
What if I never have a plan?
What if the plan is no plan?
No one grew being comfortable.
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