A Smile Beneath My Lips.

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I'll ask you what you enjoy. 

A smile beneath my lips.

Knowing you don't have the expressions to conjure the words.

I pose questions you won't have the answers to.

To prove to myself you're not the one.

To practice asserting what I already know.

To strengthen my gut, the stomach that stuffed itself before it decided to regurgitate only the truth. 

A test of emotional intelligence I tell myself.

Hiding behind the guise of ascending higher only to know I'll drink myself to sleep. 

To disconnect.

To hide from the truth of myself that burns my chest.

Cause accepting the truth is way to real. 

And alcohol quells this truth.

Real ness makes me anxious and anxiety fuels the fight.

The internal demons that smile beneath

chiclets; striving for attention.

Perfection. 

Purity.

A facade.

But fuck that. Fuck the cleansing of my soul.

There is no darkness too dirty. 

I find my voice again. 

I speak the words of my inner trenches.

This script sets me free.

I don't forget the past, but it no longer fuels the story I tell myself. 

Yesterday is perspective and for that I am thankful.

Cause repeat after me; I am free.